Today I feel like running away. Like when I was in 5th grade and I got so mad at my you and Dad that I decided to pack my bags (or bag I should say) and head for the hills. My bag was packed with all the important stuff too, like stuffed animals and such. I left when it was light outside and apparently wasn't very determined because as soon as it got dark I ended up coming home. As I look back on that memory I think my main purpose of leaving was to see if you cared if i was gone. I know it's silly, but in my little 5th graders mind it made sense and was the only way I knew how to express that.
My purpose for wanting to run away today is much different but is probably still silly. I want to forget that you are gone. I want to not have to look at my kids and have that painful reminder that everday away from you is one more day they start to forget you. I want to run away so I don't have to walk into your house and know you won't be there, or to see Dad without you by his side. I don't want to go Homecoming dress shopping with Maddy and the whole time think "this really shouldn't be me doing this, it should be you."
Everywhere I turn here I remember you and how you aren't here anymore. Maybe if I run away to someplace new, with new people then I won't have to remember how painful this is.
I know it wouldn't work though. I know you are too much a part of me that no matter where I went I would be reminded of you. I'm just trying to think of anything I can to make it less painful.
