Last week was your Birthday. I meant to write this on your birthday but I underestimated how difficult it would be. Growing up, your birthday and mother's day were the 2 days each year that we tried to do everything for you. We would make breakfast for you, dinner for you, clean for you. I wish we would have done that more for you. When I got a little older I would be in charge of all of your gifts. I would get a call from Dad a few days before asking, "what am I getting your mother for her birthday?" I always gave Dad a hard time but honestly I loved doing it for you.
You would have been 55 today and I'm sure you wouldn't have looked a day over 35. Aging always scared you and was something you tried to avoid at all costs. I would never consider you a vain person, you rarely shopped outside of ROSS, and we all know you could have afforded too. But you bought all the anti aging products there were to buy. And you being the so naive and pure always believed they were working. Even if it was a liquid that tasted just like water that you sprayed 2 times into your mouth a day. I love you for that.
Your Birthday we celebrated quite differently than in the past. And honestly it was perfect in so many ways but it was also very emotionally draining. Anna received her endowments on your Birthday. I'm sure you were there along with Grandma. I'm so proud of Anna and the decisions she is making in her life. But the thought of her leaving on a mission is terrifying. She has really been such a help to all of us since you passed and I'm scared to have her gone.
As I watched Anna go through the temple I remembered my first experience in the temple. I was calm and relaxed because you were right beside me the whole time. I knew you knew what I was doing was true and right and that made the experience for me so much less confusing and scary. Not that I understood anything that first time but I knew that going often would fix that. And having my mom with me meant everything. Although we knew you were there we also knew you were missing. It was a harsh reality to have to face that this would be the first of many major events that you would not be a part of.
Arlene was Anna's escort through the temple and it felt right. Because you couldn't be there she is the closest thing to you that we have. Your bond crosses beyond the veil and we all feel that. We love Arlene so much and are grateful that we at least have her. Anna's going through the temple was her gift to you and having Arlene as her escort was your gift to her.
After the temple we all headed up to Park City for a family getaway. The last time with Anna before she leaves to New Hampshire. While up there Dad surprised us with gifts . Maddy opened hers first and pulled out the most beautiful quilt I had ever seen. And then we realized that the entire quilt had been made out of your clothing. I can not express the feeling I had at that moment realizing the service that had just been done for us. We have had so many people do so much for us the last few months and I have been overwhelmed by the kindness and generosity of others but as I realized that a similar quilt had been made for each of us kids the feeling was unlike one I have ever felt. On the back of each quilt is a quote from your journal about your feelings towards each of us. It is beautiful. It was truly a labor of love and just by looking at each of the quilts I knew how much time and energy was spent. It is still unreal to me that these women could be so selfless. My quilt is something I will treasure forever and I hope that I can live a life full of service to pay it forward.
I love you Mom and I hope you were with us on your Birthday as we remembered the amazing life you lived and the legacy you left. I miss you.
